Our Appetizer.: How to deal - Lover moves away

April 3, 2014

How to deal - Lover moves away

No this isn't some soppy post about a story of a summer love moving away, this post is about real life. It's about a real relationship with two real people that have real feelings. It's about my life and my relationship with a man that I fell so in love with.

Just over two years ago, My Guy and I were enjoying a New Year Eve vacation in Cancun with my parents. Right after the clock struck midnight we decided to talk about our New Year's Resolutions. I said that I wanted to land an internship at a thriving company. Mostly because I was ending my Sophomore year of college and I had no experience in my field of study. I knew without experience I wouldn't qualify for most full-time jobs. My Guy, at that time was going through a tough time with different things, said that he wanted to find a good dependable job, which I agreed with.

A few weeks after coming home and him searching in Cleveland for a few months to find a job or a business to buy, he told me that he would go look in Tampa. His sister lives in Tampa so that made the choice easier. He texted me one day while I was in class:

My Guy : "Can you take me to the airport tomorrow?"
Me : "Umm sure, but where are you going?"
My Guy : "I'm just going to Tampa to look at some gas stations that are for sale."
Me : "Are you planning on moving there or something?"
My Guy : "I'm just going to look."

The next day I took him to the airport and he was in Tampa for a week. One night he called me and said that he found a gas station he really liked and that he wanted to put a down payment so he wouldn't lose it. I was devastated. I knew that him putting the down payment meant him moving, it meant a possible end for us.

To be honest, I don't remember what I said in that moment because I was in such shock. He came home the next day and we talked about him moving. I couldn't stop crying for the following week. He asked if I would move down there and I said yes. I said yes because I was so scared to lose him and the relationship we had built. I was 21 at the time and he was 26, we had been together for almost 2 years, we had plans to move in together. But that week everything changed, nothing was ever the same.

What was I supposed to say or do in those moments? I didn't want to lose what we had but he got in the car and drove down to Tampa. I didn't want to stop him because I didn't want him to resent me later on so I said I would move after school was over. Everyday I wondered why he wanted to move away so badly, he always claims because I didn't stop him.

If I would have stopped him, he would have resented me later on. Lets be serious, he wouldn't have let me stop him. It was either deal with the pain and distance or break up, what would you have done? How would you have dealt with this? 


  1. That's a really hard situation to be in and I'm sorry. Honestly I have no idea what I would of done. I'd like to say I either would of moved or broken up. Long distance relationships just aren't for me. I've never been in the situation before though so in the moment who knows what I would of decided.
    I hope you figure everything out and try to stay positive :)

  2. Hugs! You guys have made it these two years- that is definitely a testament to your strong relationship!

  3. Couples should act as a team - make decisions together. It seems as if he does not consider your thoughts at all. You have so much to offer - from beauty to brains to style, and deserve someone who will at least talk to you before making a decision!

  4. It has to be hard but you are definitely working even harder to make it work!! Props to you lady!

  5. Hmm, you could possibly want to punch me out for this, but I feel like he was a teensy bit selfish during this situation. It seems like he already made his decision about moving there before even discussing anything with you. I mean really, who texts someone about a major trip like that? Although you're worried about him resenting you, I feel like you'll end up resenting him for being pulled in that direction when it seems like you had other plans where you were before the move. Working as a team is definitely the way to go. :) *hugs!!

  6. having been around for a long time i will be honest and say that it was a dick move for him to do that. i know it's not what you want to hear but that's the truth. a relationship isn't about doing what you feel like but discussing life-altering decisions with your partner and coming together to figure out a solution TOGETHER. the expectation of you having to uproot your life and follow him or change the plans that were made is not fair. ultimately, the decision is yours to make but from a woman to a woman, NEVER let a man dictate your life. any person who cares and respects a relationship enough would have discussed things first before doing anything that rash.

    i apologize if this isn't what you wanted to hear but if that were me, i'd break up. if the guy i was dating did that, then my feelings and life are obviously not a priority for him and i don't need that in my life because i would NEVER do that to someone i love and i would expect the same treatment.

    Vodka and Soda

  7. Hey, I think you did the right thing. :) It's good to let people know how you feel and for them to make decisions on their own. In the end, with all relationships (friends, lovers etc) it's really all about how you feel. Words are nice but actions are a lot. He could move you to Tampa and you could show your support for his dream. You could both make steps toward being together. Just check in with your feelings. It will all work out. Clarity is better than outcome sometimes!

  8. Whatever you are posting here isn't true , why don't you post the whole story and see what people are gonna say , tell the truth

    1. What is the truth then? How did those two weeks happen if this isn't how it happened?

  9. The truth is that you new I didn't have a job for months and I was looking for something to buy in cle or Tampa , I found the place 2 days before I I came in tampa to check it out so don't tell me I just text you out of nowhere . I came down here for a few days to check the place out the day before I put my deposit down we talk on the phone for hrs and I ask you if you wanna move down here and your answer was YES , I came home on Thursday and I took the next 3 days off just to spend it with you and talk about and you agreed on everything 100% about you moving to tampa after school is done or before . So don't BS here saying I just moved here with out you !!! Not to mention last year after we took a break we got back together with the reason for YOU to move down here not me moving back so here we go again she agreed on everything about moving here again . The reason we broke up was her friends putting shit in her head about why would you move for a gay in a different state and etc but her shity as fried who role her not to move moved to Chicago for a guy . So around holidays you ask me to try to move back I said ok let me try to sale my bussnies and If I am gonna sale it for how much is worth it than I will if not you have to moved down and you agreed again . I found you 5 jobs here paying more money better benefits and you said no , have you found one job in Cle making at list the money I make here ? No you didn't
    I have a great life here to and a great job making more money than you do and tell a guy who moved to a different state for a girl , all are friends from CLE move to Chicago or somewhere else for guys .
    Thank you and have a nice day